i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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