i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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