The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
