Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
