I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
