DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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