Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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