So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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