so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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