dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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