Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
