tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
