He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
