I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
