When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
