You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
