i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
