my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
