After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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