I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
