My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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