oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
