you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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