3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
