She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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