when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
