She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
