ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
