its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
