guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize