When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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