she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
