THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
