This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
