Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
