Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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