You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
