4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
