I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Life is so much better after having sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
