It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
