Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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