like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
