Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
