I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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