he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
how does that bad decision feel?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
