I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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