Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
