he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am available for nakedness
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
