Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
