I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
