in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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