I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
