I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
