I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
