Kiss
Puke
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
