Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
