I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
