Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
