We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize