Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
