Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
