Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
