that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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