Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
