yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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