so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
