But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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