peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
