Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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