We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
