Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
