Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
