At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
